Have you lost your mind?
You cannot reduce the speed
limit on freeways and lower the alcohol limit at the same time. It's too much
for us to deal with all at once.
I reach 90km/h just reversing
up my driveway. If you reduced the speed limit, we might as well let the
freeways fall into disrepair and introduce the horse as the government's
preferred method of transport. Even that wouldn't make you happy. I know a horse
that can do 120km/h without breaking a sweat. Okay, technically it's not a
horse. It's a cheetah. But still.
By lowering the legal alcohol
limit from 0.05 to zero, South Africa could proudly take its place among some
of the world's foremost economic powerhouses and shining examples of democracy
such as Cuba, Ukraine and Slovenia. The current legal limit translates into two
beers or two glasses of wine. Personally, I think anyone who drinks wine
instead of beer should be locked up regardless of their blood alcohol level.
I know it sounds a bit
Stalinist, but why don't you just put all the bars under state control?
Drinkers will have to apply for permits. Two tokens per person per night. I
would have stockpiled my tokens, but you will doubtlessly make sure that they
expire after midnight on the date of issue.
I have a better idea: keep
the bars open 24 hours a day and ban cars altogether. Nothing unites a nation
quicker than having its streets filled with millions of citizens listing
heavily to starboard and urinating and vomiting on one another while singing
the national anthem.
Being nearly two metres tall
and having been weaned on beer, I can quite easily quaff a dozen and still have
a perfectly acceptable conversation with the Queen of England, Most people,
when they leave a bar, aren't sure whether or not they are over the limit. I
always find a good indication is if you try to start your car with your credit
card.
If you want to make sure that
you're still legal, you could check yourself over the internet. If your phone
hasn't been stolen by the end of the evening, go to www.rupissed.com and it
will calculate your blood alcohol content. There's no point in lying about how
much you've had to drink. It's not your wife. I indulged in a little home-based
carousing (emaganu) the other evening and, when I tested myself on the website,
the conclusion was: "You should be dead by now." I thought this a bit
rude.
Seriously, Sbu my bro; it's
not right that you will ask parliament to change the law. MPs are permanently
accompanied by designated drivers. They can get completely trashed and pass out
in the back of the Merc, never having to worry about roadblocks. It is we
professional dipsomaniacs, whose driving skills actually improve with alcohol,
who should decide whether the limit stays or is scrapped.
I don't want to live in a
country where I risk being tossed into a rat-infested cell to have my bottom
interfered with by a man with a spider web tattooed on his face simply because
I ate a liqueur chocolate before getting behind the wheel.
Are you aware, comrade
minister, that 40% of people who die on the roads are drunken pedestrians? I
expect you will want roadblocks on the country's major pavements now. Drinking
and walking must be outlawed immediately.
By Sicelo Sthai Vilakati / Sicelo is a guest writer for GoXtra News.
/Leave your comment for me below the comment box or click on the “contact us” page tab to see my profile.
©The views expressed above do not in any way represent GoXtra News, but are those of the concerned writer. 2011. Follow us on twitter here Find us on Facebook here /leave your comments below or email: editor@goxtranews. For publication ERRORS: publisher@goxtranews.com
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